Saving money the Amerikan way: Going Illegal

(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (2 02) 224 3254
Washington DC 20510

Dear Senator Harkin:

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue
Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted
the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the
process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from US
Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently
passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of
this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has
been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become
a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the
last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious
to get the process started before everyone figures it out.


Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to
pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding
two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any
way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield
an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes
in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local
emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have
stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures
I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my
daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law
school applications, as well as "instate" tuition rates for many
colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the
burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome
car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I
still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become
illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary
forms, I would be most appreciative.


Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert


Burlington, IA


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1-800-289-1040.